HERE is a great example of why ReWriting is Writing from the pages of the Final Draft of Titanic 2012, which I hope to launch now either the 25th or the 30th of Oct. Something like six months ahead of schedule, far from a year as planned back in February.
The parenthesis in the first draft paragraph are comments from early reader, Robert Farley Jr., whose remark prompted me to revisit this issue and make it clearer for the reader, to fully realize there was a problem to begin with but notice what I think is a great response – to ‘dialogue’ it out.
From Chapter 13:
Just outside her door, they again heard someone noisily stumbling down the corridor. After a moment, Kelly added, “Now this thing—yes, it is aboard Scorpio now, pretending to be human—aboard, among us! So I can’t trust anyone; if it knew all that I know, I’d be a target for assassination.” (consistency issue, she’s referred to it as disease carried by someone, now it’s become an “it” pretending to be human.)
REWRITE:
Just outside her door, they again heard someone noisily stumbling down the corridor. After a moment, Kelly added, “Now this thing—yes, it is aboard Scorpio now, David.”
“This disease organism has somehow gotten aboard Scorpio?” his tone made skepticism roar. “Just how did it pull that off? Is it that damned sentient?”
“You don’t understand, it…it uses its hosts…humans. It—”
“Now it’s an it and not a microcosmic creature?”
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment